To understand the answer to this complex question, we must go back to the last century. In 1967, Seligman began the first investigations with three groups of dogs. The first group received electric shocks to their paws but could avoid them by moving to the other side of the cage. The second group received the same electric shocks but had no way to escape. The third group served as a control.
Researchers noticed that when the shocks stopped or when they left the cage door open, the dogs in the second group did nothing to change their circumstances. They remained completely paralyzed. In short, the dogs had learned that no matter what they did, they would always receive a painful shock (negative contingency). Nothing could stop it. So they huddled up, motionless, utterly frozen.
This experiment gave rise to a concept used in psychology to explain why victims of violence often cannot leave their abusive relationships: “learned helplessness.”
The classic experiment helps us understand why victims of abuse take so long to leave abusive relationships. The explanation is that the victim sees all of their behaviors punished (through physical, verbal, sexual, or economic violence), and none of their actions have any effect on the abuser, who does not reduce their abusive behavior.
First, to change behavior, there must be a motivational shift: people do not act unless they believe their actions will have consequences that can change their environment and their lives. It’s important to highlight that victims have been “disarmed.” By the time a victim of gender-based violence reaches the point of asking, “Should I leave?”, they often feel isolated in a world they believe doesn’t understand them, and with very low self-esteem—because the abuser has made them believe they are worthless.
Second, there are cognitive effects that the experiment also revealed: the victim believes that there is no way out because they have learned, just like the dogs, to freeze and do nothing.
Third, the physiological effects of this helplessness: bodily pain, migraines, sweating, lack of motivation…
In therapy, we often see young women, in particular, who come in struggling with the feeling that they can’t leave violent relationships because something is holding them back. A key part of therapy is explaining the psychological mechanisms behind this idea that they cannot separate from their abuser. Sometimes, entire sessions are devoted to psychoeducation.
During the therapeutic process, we offer basic strategies to help protect against abuse, always using evidence-based interventions. One of these key guidelines, which readers can consider, is to focus on self-protection and rebuilding the identity and self-esteem they had before the abusive relationship—since these are often the most deeply damaged areas.
As for the victim’s environment, many therapy sessions involve family and friends who don’t understand why the victim doesn’t leave the abusive relationship. The key recommendation for supporting loved ones is to accompany the victim throughout the process (even when they are not yet able to leave) and to continue offering support when the relationship finally breaks. It is also essential not to judge the victim and to educate them about available resources, such as free services and professionals—psychologists and lawyers—who specialize in gender-based violence.
As a neuropsychologist, I always emphasize the neurobiological factors that influence human behavior. In this case, we must consider the role of the amygdala, which is responsible for triggering emotional responses. This brain structure becomes hyperactive and creates a constant sense of imminent threat. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex—responsible for decision-making and planning—reduces its activity, which makes it difficult for the person experiencing learned helplessness to see alternatives or possible escape routes.
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